We pass them on the streets, in the malls, and at work.
Most we can't see because we don't know what a good man really looks like.
He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads.
He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus.
He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face.
But, as you mature, you realize
it's better to find someone who's got your back
rather than someone who turns your head.
A good man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with everything you say.
He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite.
He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc. he is
(he won't have to because it shows).
He has his own opinions and yours may clash,
but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right.
He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.
A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist.
He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes.
He needs your love and respect.
He needs to feel that you don't live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare,
"Aha! I knew you were a dog!"
A good man isn't insecure about his woman having great achievements.
In fact, he is her number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, especially for
the sake of not hurting his feelings, or only wanting to make him happy.
His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals.
For as she excels and is exalted, a good woman will bring her good man right along with her.
A good man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift.
He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him.
Don't judge him by TV standards.
No one is really living a fairytale.
You'll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good.
It's just not true.
A good man is a man of his word.
He says what he means and means what he says.
His word is his bond.
He never leaves you wondering if he is going to call or show up - he is dependable.
A good man has a love and a heart for God.
As his relationship and love with and for God grows so will his relationship and love with and for you grow..."
-Unknown
A summer we dubbed "Summer of Love". Although neither of us were even close to finding a good man or love, that summer was one of my best so far. It was all about love, real love. My pep sent me this after one of many soul searching coversations. I saved it in my email and for years now I always seem to come back to read it from time to time. Truthfully, the men in my world have been disappointing human beings. I have not had the pleasure of knowing or loving a single stand up man, one for whom I can vouch to be a good man. As discouraged as I have the right to be, I know somewhere, somehow, these good men do exist. I wont hold an entire gender responsible for the shortcomings of the idiots in my life.
Afterall, it only takes one.
I find myself returning to this email whenever I start to think negatively. The last thing I want to be is some bitter cynical unhappy young woman without an ounce of real hope. Who the hell wants to date a negative "i-hate-men" nancy? I creep myself out just thinking about all the man haters. Really? You hate men? I don't know about you, but we are no walk in the park ourselves. I'm only 23, call me young and naiive but I refuse to fall in to this miserable trap. So there, let it be known, they are out there.
Ya just gotta believe. Wait for the good ones and love yourself in the meantime.
*NOTE: if you google this you will find that some versions of the above excerpt switch Tyson for Vin Diesel and Denzel for Brad Pitt, some also prefer BMW to Lexus, and most insist on dedicating this solely to black men. There are good men out there of every race, color, shape and size; period.
